Sunday, January 10, 2010

Judge not? Or Speak Up?

I've had a few experiences over the last few days that make me wonder when I should stop "not judging" others and tell them they're freakin crazy.

Now, I am in no danger of ever being accused of being timid; I speak up for myself, I call a spade a spade (or as my darling Mother once said while listening to my sister and I bitch about a home-wrecking acquaintance, I'm known to call a spade a whore), but I have been on a whole jag lately about not judging other people's decisions. This shift came about in force when I had GG, and became sick to death of poh-faced bitches smugly patting each other on the back or stabbing each other in the same region, based purely on whether they used cloth nappies or disposable, breast fed or bottle fed, you get the drift. I decided that we women need to band together and stop judging each other over the decisions we make in our lives. For more ranting on this, see here.

Lately however, I'm beginning to wonder if my decision to stop telling people exactly what they are doing wrong in their lives has directly contributed to the collapse of civilisation as a whole. I'm certainly not going to turn into one of those poh-faced bitches, but maybe there are certain things that it's our duty to speak up about and say "Hey! This is not okay, WTF are you thinking?". I've known people who smoked during their pregnancy, I heard someone talk about how their cute little kitty-cat sleeps in the cot with their baby, you might remember this post about an 8 year old terrorising his sister while driving a ride-on lawnmower, and I've overheard Mums in parents rooms discussing some pretty shocking tactics to get babies to stop crying at night... like leave them in their vomit-soaked cot til morning, they'll get the picture eventually.

In my better moments, I like to think we are all citizens of a global village, sharing and caring, with a responsibility to all earth's children, la la la, granola, organic cotton, free trade, save the world. Maybe there are certain things we are supposed to speak up about, maybe if enough people speak up about them, there will be a stigma attached to them and people might stop doing it. Or maybe I'll get my head smacked in by some scrubber blowing smoke in her baby's face while bitching her Baby Daddy spent her beer money on dope.

You know what though? Bring it on. Next time I see someone doing something that is not just a benign lifestyle or parenting decision, but dangerous or stupid, you better believe I'm gunna be that loudmouth bitch telling you exactly what kind of fool you are. Maybe, just once, I might talk someone out of their ignorance and into a better decision.

Better brush up on my jiu-jutisu just in case though.


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15 comments:

  1. My belief is, Homewreckers aside (esp this particular one), is live and let live. Whilst I don't necessarily agree with certain aspects of peoples lives.. I figure that they may not agree with mine and that that's ok. People are different and have different ideas of what is right and wrong to their standards... Just 'cause it's wrong by MY standards... Doesn't mean that it is actually wrong... Does it???

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  2. I have to agree with you, there is some shit that is just wrong, no matter how you spin it. Will they receive your input with open arms, probably not, but you'll know that you stood up for what is right.

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  3. There can be a fine line between being non-judgmental and being non-supportive. Depending on the situation, particularly when it's a close friend involved, I feel there can be an obligation to offer advice, just as I would hope my friends would (gently) steer me back to reality if I was veering drastically off course. Of course, some people are train wrecks who just can't or won't be helped!

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  4. A tricky one. My opinion changes about as often as the sun rises. Maybe the answer is in some form of kung fu. Sure seemed to work for that karate kid.

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  5. Sooo true. The Bible says, "Do not judge." WEll, if I see you robbing a bank, I am not judging you- I see you. There is a difference. I truly love this post. You are always soooo very honest and that dose of "keeping it real" is appreciated!!

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  6. Honestly? If I see someone doing something obviously detrimental to their kids I will speak up. I don't care. Just act dizzy, make it a joke but totally tell them they are being dickheads. At least it will make them aware of their actions.

    A lot of people do stupid things unintentionally. Make them aware and they might stop. just saying.

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  7. I LOVE you. Does that freak you out? It shouldn't because it's not like crazy camp outside your house type of love. It's more like I totally agree with you and sometimes watch you from a distance kind of love. Not freaky at all.

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  8. Good for you!! I totally get you with the smoke blowing dope money thing... I went ONCE to playgroup in the OHT and it was full of those types... though I didn't speak up, I just didn't go back. So I salute you!

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  9. TBH I think there's a difference between judgement and stepping in when a child is in danger. Thankfully in recent years I haven't seen a child exposed to danger - though I do live in a pretty PC, granola-eating area where at 33 I'm a 'young' mum. I think it's better to speak out than wonder 'what it?'. Good work!

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  10. I'm with Corinne. Especially given that I work in a field where I am a mandatory reporter, I find myself on red-alert at all times. And the thing is, when it comes to child protection, we all need to be responsible citizens (which is what I hear at every child protection training). There have been reports made to community services by good samaritans at shopping centres where they have witnessed kids in danger (e.g. being hit on the head) and I think if we all thought we were being too judgemental, there would be some kids out there in grave danger. So yeah, when it comes to children's safety, I think you are fine in being 'judgemental' rather than keeping quiet...

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  11. Quixotic...what a great lesson to explore (you know I'm on the hunt for them ^_^). I think you have found your balance. Learning not to be judgmental, but stepping in when it becomes dangerous or when someone could get hurt. Most people may not have this courage, but how wonderful that you do. Peace to you, Kathy

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  12. Definately learn you some martial arts! I spoke up on the weekend when i saw a father hit (no not smack, HIT) his son (about 4-5yrs old) in woolworths. Ok the kid was being annoying, but if thats how you treat him in public, what the hell is it like at home? I couldn't help myself, and told him off. Luckily security was nearby and came over to see what the commotion was, because he got right in my face and threatened me. I worry that the poor kid copped it worse when he got home, but i hope that maybe, at least when in public, his father might think twice before hitting him so hard again.

    And no, I'm not one of those namby pamby mums who dont smack their kids and think timeouts work for everyone. I smack my son, and was smacked myself. But this "smack had at least a 50/50 chance of knocking me flat on my fat ass if he had of used it on me instead, so no, its not a smack!

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  13. Oh, the stories I could tell on this subject. There is a difference between judging and defending the innocent.

    Good for you!

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  14. Well...ahem...to ask a duck if she would keep her quack shut or flap it? I've no doubt you know my stance on this :O) You do read my blog...

    I think it goes without saying that when the welfare of a child is in question you damn well better be shouting...but that's just me :O) Holla if you need some back up...I know lots of those Asain words...kung fu, karate, Ni-Hao Ki Lan...(okay I think that one is a cartoon but still...)

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