Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Seven Stages of Sleep Training a Toddler

1. Disbelief - I don't believe this! I just fixed you!

2. Denial - No! This is not happening! I just fixed you!!!

3. Bargaining - OK, I tell you what. Start going to bed and staying there all night, and Mummy will buy you a present! Hooray!! Anything you like... Barbie doll, Princess dress, special light-up nighttime teddy, Ferrari Testarossa...

4. Guilt - Oh God, this is my fault, isn't it. Oh, my poor child, I've ruined you forever. Oh the shame, I'll be patting your back and singing Puff the Magic Dragon on your bloody wedding night, won't I!!!! How could I have let this happen? I just fixed you!!!

5. Anger - Grrr!!! This is everyone else's fault! Why didn't the Absurdly Happy Little Sears and Ferber Baby Book warn me I would be constantly re-training you? Every development stage, after an illness, after a holiday, getting a tooth, again and again - well screw them, and the horse they rode in on!!!

6. Depression - Abandon all hope, all is lost. Every single other child on earth sleeps, except mine. Where's the wine?

7. Acceptance - You know what? I love you kiddo, and if you need my help for a little while longer, that's okay. And if you need to snuggle up in Mummy's bed and let me breath in your delicious smell and feel your warm little hand on my neck, well, that's okay too.

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17 comments:

  1. AMEN SISTER!
    Love it. Well , well written and oh so true
    and what I need to hear right now too. xx

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  2. Oh man you know I've been there! It will get better - I promise! Though my three year old still sneaks into my bed once or twice a week and I can't see that stopping any time soon. I just enjoy the cuddles.
    Really well written!

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  3. Yup yup - been thru em all! How very true and funny too (now that I'm starting to finally get a bit of regular sleep that is). Doh - jinxed myself - I'll be up tonight for sure now :(

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  4. oh boy, thinking of you and sending what ever good karma I have to spare.

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  5. Hang in there Mummy! No (or at least very few??) teenagers want to sleep with their parents so you know it will get better!! Everything is better with a sense of humour.

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  6. I'm going through this too! I started out with #7 and I've come full circle. Who cares if I don't sleep again until 2013? I'll know that I didn't miss a second of her life!

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  7. Geez.

    You have made me simultaneously want a kid and hate kids all in like 7 steps.

    What do y'all do over there in England with your kids?

    KIDDING.

    I know you live in Antarctica.

    KIDDING...

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  8. Aaaaah, that's so, so ,so true! Well put.

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  9. Wait...I just retrained my 6 month old? You mean I'm going to have to do this again and again and again? Oh brother.

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  10. Oh I love this!!
    ~Mari-Ann :)
    www.countingcoconuts.blogspot.com

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  11. That was sweet...

    I'm just at stage no. 8 - zombie.

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  12. So true! Just found your blog from MTFF and this is spot on - love it (particularly stage seven which makes me want a cuddle from my little one, even though I'm at work and he's at nursery....) Bless 'em. Totally worth it in the end :o)

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