And who does she have on today? None other than my favourite fruit-loop, Lady Gaga. Now I know I have blogged before about little miss oh-no-I'm-an-artiste and I don't want to cover old ground... but I'm gunna!
So she whacked on some latex and sang whilst sitting astride some poor backup dancer stuck hanging upside down.
Poor lass. I hope she got paid in more than sequinned undies and latex formalwear.
Anyhoo, after this song, she sat with Ellen for her "interview". What a stunted, awkward thing that was. Can we get some PR training to table 5, pronto?!
During this chat, Ellen asked her about her outfits and what makes her choose such out-there looks for her performances. Lady Gaga said she felt like she didn't fit in at high school (as an aside, does anyone feel like they did? Isn't that the whole point of high school?) and felt like an outsider, a freak. So she wears these outfits to let her fans have a safe place to let their inner freak flags fly, to let them know it's okay to be different.
This is obviously what all the little misfits have been doing wrong. Instead of trying to copy the cool kids and not quite pulling it off, thus consigning themselves to the nuclear wasteland of uncooldom forever (well, at least a couple of years), they should instead be like Lady. Just superglue your entire body, pour the contents of your feather quilt over said self, grab some ornaments off your Christmas tree and suspend them from your genitalia and you're good to go!
Wait til the cool kids see you now!
"Wow, Abigail, we can totally like see now, that you are totally like just a tortured artist, and we like totally get that now. Please, oh please, oh PLEASE will you be our super-best friend?? By the way, we are totally like sorry about the whole gaffer-taping you naked to the flagpole thing, but hey, looking at you now, maybe that's your thing. Like okay?"
Yuh-huh, I'm sure that's totally how it would go. Gimme a break.