It seems once more I find myself caught in a plot twist in the cosmic sit-com I'm sure my life actually is.
The contract I had with Centrelink that I had to guarantee I would be available for to see out the entirety of? Til October? Gone.
Yep, on Wednesday we were all (20 odd temps in 2 teams) called into a meeting and told that due to operational requirements we would all no longer be required as of close of business the next day.
Talk about stunned.
Some people got upset. A few cried. Some people got angry. A few people walked out.
Me? I went and got back on the phones. I needed the money.
By the time I got home Hubby had gotten over being angry on my behalf and was actually quite Zen about the whole thing. Sure, financially we were screwed, but hey, as a family we weren't coping so well with me working full time, so maybe this was for the best. Hubby has a tendency to focus on the negatives of a situation, so you can imagine how proud of him I was, and how supported I felt. You can also probably imagine the reward it got him. (Hey, we were too stressed out to sleep anyway...)
So I spent Thursday night doing the job search hokey-pokey and made plans to spend today with GG, catching up with some friends and their kids I haven't seen for ages. We decided to focus on part-time roles, as that's really is what's best for our family. I talked myself back into a state of positivity and convinced myself this was all for the best, something would work out.
Then, this morning I got a call from the agency that placed me at Centrelink offering me a 4 week contract. Cue immediate relief.
A 4 week contract a mere 2 hours travel away. Would take 2 hours by train or even if I drove. That's 2 hours each way. Cue terror.
Thing is, I can't afford (literally) to be picky. I need to be working right now. And there are just no jobs available on the Coast. Even though it means catching the train at 6.30 in the morning and not getting home til 7pm. Sigh. I took the job.
Then I panicked at 5 minutes to 5.00pm and nearly pulled out. Then I convinced myself it'd be okay. Then I panicked again and convinced myself GG would hate it, I was a horrible Mum. Then I went a little nuts. Then I called my husband.
He talked me down off my little ledge, reminded me that we had already talked this through, re-assured me he would re-arrange his days so that he could drop GG off on her kindy days as well as pick her up.
In the end, we decided that I would do it for a week. The agency rep is doing a site visit Thursday, and if I'm finding it too much, I will let her know then, so she has 2 days to find my replacement. That seems fair. I can do one week at least, even if it is Hell on Earth, I can do one crappy week for the good of my family.
So I enjoyed every minute of my day with GG today, and will continue to over the weekend. This afternoon, while she rode her bike at the park with me walking beside her, I bought up the topic:
"GG, you know how Mummy has been working a lot the last few weeks?"
"Uh-huh. Hey! Look! A puppy!"
"Yeah, lots of puppies here, it's a dog park remember? He's a cutie isn't he?"
"Yeah, anyway, so you know how Mummy has been going to work?"
"Uh-huh. Oh! Look! Another puppy!!"
I'm gunna fast forward a little here...
"Do you miss Mummy when she goes to work?"
"Yeah, I miss you sometimes too. Well, for the next few weeks, I'm going to be working even more, but only for a very little while. You'll still see me every night, and of course weekends, but you might have dinner at Grandmas before Mummy gets you sometimes."
"But remember, it'll only be for a little while. And we'll still see each other every night."
"Oh. I still see you ebry night?"
"Yep, every night. And don't forget the weekends. And, after that little while, Mummy is going to take a whole week off, and we'll do heaps of stuff together! What do you think?"
GG turned to look at me, her little face incredibly thoughtful, and unless I'm deluding myself, very wise.
"Oh-tay. Oh look!!! A puppy!!!"
Don't be too hard on yourself. GG is obviously quite happy with whatever childcare arrangements you have her in. Trust me, you would know if she wasn't happy. You're doing what's best for your family.ReplyDelete
I know how you feel. Don't beat yourself up too bad. GG sounds very adjusted and full of happiness and love for her mom. It's hard when we want to be with out kids and our jobs pull us away. You do the best you can! And Grandmas are awesome!ReplyDelete
Aaaaah, Gawd! Kids are so freakin' resilient! You know you are going to be beating yourself up WAY, WAY more than GG would ever consider thinking of, don't you?ReplyDelete
Plus, it's just temporary! Look at it like that! You are definitely doing the best thing for your family and you are an awesome parent!