Sunday, June 27, 2010

Panic Stations!

So it seems I have found myself a job. Well, really, it found me. I went along to an employment agency (actually one I used to work for when I was a recruiter!) for one job; a temp admin officer role for my local City Council and ended up with a whole 'nother job! Turns out just before I turned up for the interview, they had gotten a role in that nicely combines my training credentials (that I've barely used) with my knowledge of bookkeeping software (that I haven't used for years. Ahem).

So now I'm panicking on two fronts, possibly three. Actually, more like four.

One, I'm not totally convinced I'm up for the job. Sure, I will be given a crash-course in the software, and I do have the theoretical knowledge of how to train, but still. Eeek! I am trying to remind myself that I do best when given a challenge I need to live up to, and having faith that my brain and ability to take advantage of other people's skills adapt quickly will see me through.

Two, it's a full time job. The first I've had since having GG. This is what really scares me. Yes, I know she's three now, and it's not like she's a tiny baby anymore, but I am really worried about how this will affect us. I know I will miss the time away from her, and I know I am lucky that instead of having to put her in kindy full-time (thus negating it even being worth working anyway), I have a great family who are willing to look after my little Gorgeous Girl, and so I am slightly reassured that she will still have that loving, one-on-one care that young kids need.

But I'm still going to be basically giving up being the main person responsible for caring for her, day to day. Up til now, even though she has been going to kindy two days a week since she was about a year old (three days for a while there when I was living in Brisbane and working part-time), I have been the person responsible for those little ways we all have, the little rituals and sayings and ways that become our memories of our childhoods. I have been the one to teach her and encourage her, read to her, all those things. I have been the one to set the limits of how I would like her to act, and to reinforce those, now I'm giving up control of that, and relying on others to shape her behaviour.

Having just re-read this, I'm aware of how melodramatic I am being, and how I am over-reacting, but it's how I feel right now, like I'm about to give up a big part of being a Mum.

The good part is I guess, is that I am the one who will suffer the most being away from GG. She herself will be going to play with her kindy friends like always, and hanging out the other days with some of her favourite people, no doubt being spoiled and indulged.

The saving grace of all this (apart from the much needed financial boost of course!) is that it's a contract role. We're still hashing out the details of how long for etc., and it's true I am hoping it will convert into a permanent role, but I will probably try to negotiate a part-time role moving forward, once the money earned by working full-time has helped us catch up.

So the third reason I'm panicking? It's nearly an hour's drive away. This means not only am I away from GG every weekday, but for a significant length of time each day.

Four, what the hell will I wear?



  1. Well, first up, congratulations! It's a great achievement and you should be proud of being offered it.

    GG will be just fine, she'll probably love being able to play with new friends every day.

    Come to think of it, so will you.

    Good luck, I have no doubt you'll ace it.

  2. Well done and yes you will be up to it! You will need new shoes however :) (I suspect at least two new pairs) :)

  3. Oh Lordy, I remember this dilemma when I started work with my little ones years ago. With the first two I was so happy to be out of the house I was practically skipping out of kindy.

    I'm now 33 and Jazz goes 1 day a week but I can't imagine putting no 4 in child care. Does that make me a grown up?

  4. Congratulations on the job, first of all! It seems to me that it would be more worrisome if you didn't have some of these fears. You will be fine; things will fall into place. You rock! Way to go!

  5. OH OH OH! Go shopping!
    No, that's not ALL I got out of that! I can understand perfectly you being so eaten up with worry about Gorgeous. But all the things you said about reasons you should not be are completely true and valid. She will be stronger for it! And in the long run, you will be surprised at how much your say so will be the driving force in her life.
    Some things just "must" happen. You can and will make the most out of this experience. I know it! ;-)

  6. Congratulations!
    1 you'll pick it up as you go, all those old skills will come rushing back, I ahve no doubt you are up for the job!
    2 GG will be fine, it's you that will have the trouble, feeling guilty and missing her. Once you see she is happy and doing well, you'll start to come around too. But I sympathise, i would feel the same way.
    3 an hours drive, not so much fun. Maybe get some talking book and catch up on some 'reading'!?
    4 shopping definitely required!

    Most of all, enjoy the regained sense of self that a job can bring. Well done!


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