Friday, December 4, 2009


A few months ago, I met a friend of a friend and her little girl, about 18 months old. I remember being instantly envious of this chick; she was attractive, slim and toned, had great hair, nice clothes etc.

I heard through my friend the other day that she's struggling a bit with motherhood. And do you know what my first reaction was? Sympathy? Nup. Wry empathy? Not even. It was smugness. "Oh, is little Miss Trendy Princess finding it hard with one kid, no job and a great hubby?"

As soon as I felt it, I squashed it, and then felt terribly guilty. I have railed before at how stupid it is for women and mothers to judge each other, and here I go doing exactly that. It's poisonous, and really pisses me off, so why the hell was that my first reaction?

Was it because I didn't really warm to her? Does that somehow mean she doesn't deserve any sympathy from the one group of people who know how hard it can be? That, however rewarding, motherhood can sometimes be sheer bloody hard graft, an endless stretch of sleep deprivation, drudgery, frustration and feeling lost at sea. What sort of bitch would feel some sort of sick schadenfreude that another woman was suffering?

Was it to make me feel better about the job I'm doing? If so, why can't I be proud of the job I'm doing as a Mum without feeling smug that someone else might not be. Believe me, I've struggled some days, and I was even told afterwards that my Mum had everyone on PND-watch with me, because I was the personality type most at risk of this; controlling, perfectionist, need to be good at everything and don't like asking for help type. The first couple of weeks of motherhood slapped that right outta me though, and I am actually pretty proud of the job I'm doing as a Mum. So why couldn't I feel the sympathy I feel for this woman straight off the bat? Am I really a nasty piece of work, or is this Mums-judging-Mums thing that I hate more part of our nature than I thought?



  1. it probably is, good on you for being so honest about this - many wouldn't

  2. We have all been At least you are honest about it. As Always. That is what December babies do- brutally honest. I know because I am one of them. Speaking of B-days... when is yours??

  3. What about the bitchy sister-in-law that bragged endlessly about her perfect pregnancy, and then had PND but still lies that anything was wrong even though she was suicidal, and was so nasty that her mother and mil won't come and help her with the baby anymore, and the first few weeks of motherhood didn't slap it out of her, rather made her brush off our offers to help with snide comments? Is it ok to be just the slightest bit of pleased that karma actually stepped in? Elllllgh, I have to see her 14 days, please tell me its not bad that I think she deserved what she got.

    And honestly I'm not a mean person, and I'm counting down the days until I meet my beautiful little niece who I already love and adore, although I'm afraid if I touch her I'll get reprimanded (like her mom did to Baby's grandma, for 'holding her wrong').

    Yes, its just a teensy bit of sore spot of mine. I hate the holidays. *sigh*

  4. I think it's in our DNA as a women to judge others. Don't feel bad! One of my friends (we call her Mrs Stepford) recently had troubles in her marriage and I thought HA! Not so perfect. Bad, I know.


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