Well, thanks very much U.N.E.

So if the tension between stay-at-home mums and working Mums wasn't bad enough, that venerable institution, the University of New England has released a study that is sure to fan the flames.

They claim that mothers who work part-time have healthier children. Something about eating less junk food and watching less TV. Now, as a Mum who happens to work part-time, I'd love to accept this as universally true, but what rot! How on earth would these researchers know? Clearly these (no doubt Government funded) intellectual colossuses haven't been spending much time at my house. Since I've started working again, and especially since I've gone up to 3 days per week, GG has eaten a lot more pre-packaged or processed foods, simply because I often don't have time to cook dinner from scratch the days I work. As for TV, if it wasn't for Hi-5 DVDs, I'd never get ready in the morning!!

So now if you work full-time, outside the full time job all Mums have that is, or stay at home, you have fat, lazy kids huh? Gee, I love generalisations. And won't it be lovely to have this splashed about all over the media, we all know how they love responsible reporting, and care deeply about the feelings over Mothers all over the globe.

When are we going to realise that parenting is an individual pursuit, some are great at it, others notsomuch, but it has nothing to do with paid employment, marital status, socio-economic parameters, race, religion, creed or colour of toenail polish! Sheesh!

The sooner women stop focusing on what we are doing differently as parents, and focus on what we share, supporting each other instead of snidely judging the decisions of others to feel better about our own, the sooner we will rule the world. Or at least get paid maternity leave.

Cuckoo Parenting

def: Abandoning the responsibility of caring for your own child in public places, instead relying on strangers to do it for you. Named for the cuckoo bird's habit of laying her eggs in the nest of a bird of another species, leaving it to raise her chick.

I have been privy to a few incidents of cuckoo parenting lately, and geez this pisses me off.

Like the Mum at our local pool the other day. GG and I were in the little kiddy pool, about knee-deep, with fibro rocks to climb on, little slides from one area to another, waterfall mushrooms and squirty things and floaty crocodiles to play on. There was plenty of squirting and splashing and squealing in a high-pitched, excited manner. GG had fun too.

At this point, we were the only two in the kiddy area. Then along comes Cuckoo Mumma. I noticed her because she's wearing jeans FFS! It's 30+ degress celcius and she's wearing jeans to a pool. (Note: not all Mums wear swimmers just to go to the kiddy pool, you can wear shorts or a dress or something and not get them wet. But really? Jeans?? No.) Then I am further intrigued when I noticed her child is maybe 10-12 months old. Like, can't even walk properly yet.

"What the hell is she gunna do?", I thought, "Let him dangle his feet in?" Wrong. Apparently, what she was going do to was plop him in the water, smile at me, go to a bench on the side fence and start READING A BOOK!!!!! Of course, Junior promptly fell over, face first into the water. And couldn't get up. Even as I lunged for him, the thought crossed my mind, "How long would I have to pretend to ignore him for her to get off her ass and save him?"

After having picked him up and got him on his feet, holding onto the edge, I look over at Cuckoo Mumma - still reading her book and pointedly ignoring me.

I try breathing... I try imagining a valid reason for her behaviour... hey, maybe she's got five other screaming kids at home, and just needs a break. Umm, noooo, you don't go to a pool to zone out. (You go to the shopping centre and dump them in the kiddy-zoo).

Maybe she just got devastating news, maybe her husband just told her he is leaving her for her transvestite sister. Nope, still can't see the logic here.

Maybe she has a mental problem...

Maybe she's a rude, ignorant bitch, happy to rely on the fact no-one is going to let her child drown to prove a point.

This is getting me nowhere. Now I'm not only watching GG, helping her negotiate the trickier climbs and slides, engaging and playing with her, but now I'm also watching Cuckoo's Chickadee, happily and fearlessly splashing in the shallows, regularly tipping over. I'm also regularly throwing filthy looks at Cuckoo Mumma. All wasted, she hasn't looked up once.

OK, enough of this. I should have just marched straight up to her and given her what for, but I settle for passive agressive instead. I say to GG, loudly, "Hold on darling, stay there, Mummy just has to go help the little boy because HIS MOTHER CLEARLY CAN'T BE BOTHERED!!!!".

GG gives me a look like "Issues much, Mumma?" and Cuckoo Mumma finally looks up, whereupon I make the universally recognised 'WTF' gesture (quizzical expression, hands out, palms up, small shake of the disbelieving head). "You wanna look after your own kid now, sunshine?" I say. She says nothing, sheepishly grabs Chickadee and hightails it out the gate.

Here's the kicker. A minute or so after she leaves, GG needs a potty break. The toilets are all the way over the other side of the complex, so I grab our shoes and bag, and we head off. When we come back, a swimming class has just finished, and about 5 or so kids (and their Mums) are there, delaying having to go out in the heat of the day just a bit longer. Now get this... CUCKOO MUMMA IS BACK! Yup, she had obviously loitered somewhere, saw us grab our gear and head out, thought we had left and come back in to abandon her child again. That's right, Chickadee is now being looked after by another Mum, and Cuckoo Mumma is back on the bench reading her book.

One of the things I love about being a Mum is that sense of camaraderie that sometimes happens within a group of Mums. We had all stationed ourselves around the pool, helping not only our own kids, but whoever was around and needed help over obstacles etc. And yes, we all looked after Chickadee. We all gave each other pointed looks and smirks in Cuckoo Mummas direction, but no one actually said anything.

Why didn't I have another go? Because, frankly, I was having an awesome time with GG, playing with her and talking with a super funny Mum with a little girl her age, and watching them play together. I just didn't want to ruin it by getting all het up and cranky with this stupid bitch, because I'm pretty sure the only person who would be getting upset would be me. Or GG. Given that she had actually waited til I left (so she thought) and come back, this is clearly not a case of "Oh Golly, I didn't realise, how could I have been so silly, a thousand pardons", but Cuckoo Mumma's 'modus operandi' for getting a break from looking after her child.

Now I totally get that being a Mum is hard, mentally draining, relentless, and monotonous work, and sometimes you just want 5 freakin minutes to space out and not pay attention to anything. But c'mon people!! Do it the responsible way - dump your kids at your Mum's house!!!

Just kidding I love you Mum and would never take you for granted you are the best and I am eternally grateful for all you do you are awesome and wonderful and sainted and hey do want to take GG for the night this weekend?

Stressed Mum or Serial Killer??

I just did something I have NEVER done before. I just picked up a hitchiker.

Someone pick my mother up off the floor would you and I'll explain.

I was just down the road from our little local shops, and I saw a woman and her young daughter standing beside a car with bags of groceries at their feet and looking a bit desperate.

I actually just pulled over to see if they needed a phone to call RACQ or similar, but when I spoke to the woman, she was desperate to get home (she named a road 10 mins away) before her son got home from school on the bus.

So I did a quick mental run through of my likelihood of ending up in a shallow bush grave versus good karma points for helping out a Mum in need. Karma won.I'm usually a pretty good judge of character, and I'm also pretty intuitive, and a little voice was telling me to help this woman. It reminded me of someone once telling me that they believed God is not a big booming voice in the sky, He is that little quiet voice in your head. So I said a quick prayer of "I hope I'm right" and told them to hop in. Hey, I even had a car seat for her daughter, I must've been sent to them, right??? Right???

The woman was SOOO appreciative, I actually felt a little uncomfortable, but glad I had helped. Her daughter was hot and bothered initially, but calmed down in the cool car and said a very cute and polite "Thank you for 'elping us". I was even more glad I had helped when we got to her driveway, which was in a fairly rural area, big blocks with no houses visible from the street, and her son, about 7, was standing there in tears and looking quite scared. Apparently he had just got off the bus, and when she wasn't at the gate, walked up to the house to find her not home, so he had come back down to wait for her. A little thrill of fear went through me when I thought about who could have come along before we did. I'm sure it was more than that for her...

I wonder if this makes me an angel now, (insert Blue's Brothers voiceover here) "on a mission from God"??? I doubt it, but I am sure glad I listened to my little voice...