Coffee and whine...

I visited a girlfriend who lives on the Sunshine Coast today. It was wonderful to see her, she has a little girl GG's age (they were born a week apart)and a beautiful 5mth old baby boy. We don't get to catch up so much anymore, so I had been really looking forward to it. We had the usual girly catch up, and I was in a great mood heading off on the 2 hour drive home. GG promptly fell asleep after running amok most of the day, so I had my thoughts to myself for the trip home. Always a novelty...

During the drive, and because of the positive mood my mate always puts me in, I had decided I was going to use whatever time I will be out of work for positively. I will meet my friend for her power walks along Burleigh Beach, maybe even go to a gym if I can find one that allows casual visits. I will call, visit, harass, stalk and possibly threaten bodily harm to various bank staff til I get a consolidation loan or some serious financial advice. I was feeling great, positive and charged up.

Then hubby came home, innocently asked if I had chased up any of the job applicatons I had put in this week. Because I am already feeling guilty about losing my job, and just quietly, a bit terrified about how that will affect our fairly precarious financial position, I get all defensive and snappy. Hubby, not realising that I feel insecure already (men can't read minds, who knew??), just thinks I'm being bitchy, and we end up sniping at each other. Boom... good feelings gone. Double boom... now feel guilty for sniping at each other in front of GG. Triple boom... feel guilty for being a bitch to hubby. Quadruple boom... feel silly for allowing a situation that's not my fault to affect me like this. Boom, boom, boom.

So! I am going to go check Seek.com, stop taking out my stress and fear on others and actively choose to be positive and happy. Feel free to send donations of chocolate and liquor. :)